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Der Kinship Blog

JOURNEY Chapter 25

"Forbidden Colours"

BY JERRY MCKAY

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JOURNEY CHAPTER 24

 
Life at Quest Learning Center
BY JERRY MCKAY

At 7:30 a.m., March 16, 1983, I boarded a bus bound for Reading, Pennsylvania. Six hours later, I was back at the Ottawa bus station!

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JOURNEY - CHAPTER 23

 
Robert & Reading
BY JERRY MCKAY

I assumed 1983 would bring change, but I didn’t expect it to begin on January 1st.

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JOURNEY - CHAPTER 22

 
Adrift in Ottawa
BY JERRY MCKAY

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JOURNEY - CHAPTER 21

 
Christian Maturity Manual
BY JERRY MCKAY

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JOURNEY - CHAPTER 20

 
A Week at Quest Learning Center
BY JERRY MCKAY

By the end of the first week of September 1982, I had decided to relocate to Pennsylvania for counseling. The first thing I had to do was to call Perry in Japan, because my decision would require his finding a teacher to replace me on short notice. At $3.00 per minute, our call was brief. Perry said that any inconvenience my decision might cause did not concern him. Rather, he was concerned for me. After sharing a few details about my visit with Colin, I thought I had put Perry’s reservations to rest. That was not the case. Two days later, Perry called back.

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JOURNEY - CHAPTER 19


A Wedding and a Vacation
BY JERRY MCKAY

On August 10, 1982, barely a week after my first weekend visit with Colin Cook, my sister and I loaded up a rented Capri station wagon and set out for Alberta where I would be a member of the wedding of a college friend. The difference between this trip and others Marilyn and I had taken together before was that she now knew about my orientation. I told her the night I returned from my first visit with Colin. Her knowing about my orientation was significant, but it didn’t mean much. Without access to my experience, how could she know what I was going through? Often during this trip, I was lost in self-reflection about my past, present, and future, all through the lens of reparative therapy.

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Journey - Chapter 18

 

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Journey - Chapter 17

 
First Visit with Colin
BY JERRY MCKAY

Once I named my experience—acknowledged my homosexual orientation—a predictable side effect emerged. I found myself wanting to meet others with a similar experience. The only way I knew of doing that was through an ad on the back page of The Japan Times.

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Journey - Chapter 16

 
The Day After
by Jerry McKay

After years of suppressing relationship longings, fearing and over-analyzing every thought and feeling, my world seemed different the day after reading the Ministry magazine interview; even the sunlight was different. Naming my experience instantly altered my perception of the world and divided it into before and after. While most prior themes remained and/or evolved, new themes emerged. Overnight, I became preoccupied with changing my orientation.

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Journey - Chapter 15


The Year of Before and After, Part II 
BY JERRY MCKAY

It was midnight when I finished reading the Ministry interview and headed home. The familiar residential streets of Tokyo seemed different that night. My trance-like walk home was broken once by a brief exchange with a passing policeman whom I knew. I remember this odd detail because his greeting jolted me back into the present. Although my head was filled with the hope of healing from homosexuality, when I saw him I was once again aware of how attractive I found him.

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Journey - Chapter 14


The Year of Before and After, Part I 
BY JERRY MCKAY

As my graduation approached, I should have been contacting conferences in Canada for a pastoral internship position. I was not. Instead, I returned to Japan, the only place I felt I could serve God and avoid the stress my yet unacknowledged orientation was creating. While my return was an acceptable option, it did not come from a place of strength. Distress was a common private component of my life. However, this trip to Japan would be unlike any other. Halfway through my two-year term, a life-defining moment occurred.

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Journey - Chapter 13

By Jerry McKay
PUblished November 2016 in Connection

Despite everything that was going on internally, I made wary attempts at dating. My very confused state of mind affected everyone around me including Donna who continued to hold out hope for a relationship. But her hope was constantly frustrated. I was all over the map when it came to Donna and other female friends. A seemingly insignificant event could ignite my fight or flight response.

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Journey - Chapter 12


Finished with Colleg but Not My Orientation
By Jerry McKay

Published September 2016  in Connection

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Journey - Chapter 11

By Jerry McKay

Published July 2016 in Connection

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Journey - Chapter 10

By Jerry McKay

Published June 2016 in Connection

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Journey - Chapter 9

Back in Canada and Alberta Bound
By Jerry McKay

Published April/May 2016 in Connection

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Journey - Chapter 8

Awareness of My Orientation
By Jerry McKay

Published February 2016 in Connection

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Journey - Chapter 7


Missionary to Japan
By Jerry McKay

Published January 2016 in Connection

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Journey - Chapter 6

By Jerry McKay

Published November/December 2015 in Connection

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Journey - Chapter 5


Sources of Distress
Jerry McKay

Published October 2015 in Connection

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Journey - Chapter 4


Awareness of Orientation during High School
BY JERRY MCKAY

Published September 2015 

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Journey - Chapter 3


High School Years at Kingsway
By Jerry McKay

Published August 2015 in Connection           

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Journey - Chapter 2



— School
By Jerry McKay

Published June/July 2015 in Connection

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Journey - Chapter 1

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